I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
