The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
