Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
