Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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