I wish my penis had an off switch
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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