Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
