I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
