I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize