I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
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Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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