Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize