I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm getting married
To pizza
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
