we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
