I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
