I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
