I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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