I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
40s are totally the cure
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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