My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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