I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
