He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
