I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's get the cat blown out
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize