I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
