I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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