I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
