Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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