mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
