Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
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I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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