Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
