i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
