There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
