We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
