she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize