good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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