He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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