once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
In other news, I just burned my penis
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Let's get the cat blown out
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
