It's Friday. Sex?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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