I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
