Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
