You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I forget how to act sober
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
