im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My vagina is very pro this idea
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
