Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
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I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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