he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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