It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
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only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
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It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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