it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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