Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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