So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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