After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
