I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
