where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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