I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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