I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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