stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
