Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
