I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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