never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize