I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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