Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
