woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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