I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
