I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
