I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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